I'm Guilty of All Charges.

Well, I've finally decided to come clean. I'm guilty. Guilty of all charges. But before anyone starts sharpening the pitchforks, let me explain exactly what I'm guilty of.

I'm guilty of taking the piss out of dickheads like you.

That's my crime. I have been caught red-handed committing the terrible offence of laughing at people who take themselves far too seriously. I've been known to point out hypocrisy, mock ridiculous behaviour, and occasionally take the mickey when somebody serves up something so absurd that it practically begs to be laughed at. And apparently, that's a serious offence in some people's minds.

The trouble with people who dish out ridicule is that they don't always appreciate receiving it. They can spend hours mocking somebody else, calling them names and taking cheap shots—but the moment the joke comes back in their direction, suddenly it's outrage, indignation and cries of "That's bullying!"

Oh dear. Perhaps the problem isn't the joke.

Perhaps it's the fact that they don't like being the punchline.

So yes, I plead guilty.

• Guilty of having a sense of humour.

• Guilty of taking the piss.

• Guilty of laughing at hypocrisy.

• Guilty of giving out the same medicine that others happily prescribe.

And if the punishment for all of that is being told that I'm a terrible person by somebody who can't take a joke, then I suppose I'll just have to serve my sentence. But don't expect me to behave myself. Because if taking the piss out of dickheads is a crime, then I'm afraid I've got form.

Guilty as charged. Case dismissed?

Not quite. I'm appealing on the grounds that it was bloody funny.